


Stabby

by Dorktapus42



Series: Come Together-verse [38]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: A bit of a crackfic, Bing has zero impulse control, Fluff, Gen, Roombas, Stabby the Space Roomba, packbonding with a roomba, probably the greatest thing I've ever written lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-30 21:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19411960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorktapus42/pseuds/Dorktapus42
Summary: Bing buys 32 roombas.No, I'm not joking.





	Stabby

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is one of the best things I've ever written. It sorta developed a life of it's own along the way, but I think it was fun.  
> Inspired a bit by this lovely tumblr: https://sketchupnfries.tumblr.com/tagged/roombalution  
> It's a Detroit: Become Human crossover with a bunch of roombas, which... kinda ended up becoming a bit of this? More circumstance than anything, I think, as I was looking up a lot of roomba stuff, but it's really funny and I highly recommend checking it out!

Bing rolled into the room on his heelys, holding about five green and white boxes. 

He dumped them onto his lab bench and rolled back out of the room. 

Yellow and Red walked over to the stack of boxes, Green at their heels.

Oliver picked one up. “Roomba?”

“Roomba: a miniature automated vacuum cleaner.” Green shook his head slightly in confusion, tilting it to the side. “What does Bing want with-”

Bing rolled back in with another trip. Five more Roombas. 

“Can you give me a hand?”

\--------------

“R2D2.”

“Connor!”

“Zenyatta.”

“Sergeant Stabby!”

A pause in the scribbling of names on the HELLO MY NAME IS nametags. 

“Sergeant Stabby?”

“We are not attaching a knife to one of the roombas, Bing.”

“Not cool bro…”

Silence. 

“Any more names?”

\-----------

Host was walking towards the library when he heard a whir. 

He stopped. 

A whir? The Googles didn’t make noise…

“The Host walked down the hall, unaware of the Roomba in his path.” Oh. Well. 

That was a possible issue. 

He walked closer-

Plastic and Soft brushes. 

That was a new sensation. 

But that meant he could sense it, and therefore avoid it.

He sidestepped the robot and went on his way. 

K9 gave a happy little beep and trundled after him.

—————

“What’s with all the roombas?”

Bing reaches down and patted the Living Room Roomba. The tag slapped onto the top said Zenyatta. Zenyatta gave a happy trill and went back to dusting under the couch.

|Are they sentient?|

“We didn’t add anything to them, if that’s what you’re asking. Well, except for one.”

“...What did you add?”

“Flight, among… other things.”

“YOU GAVE A ROOMBA THE POWER TO FLY?!”

“He only stays in the kitchen! ...Mostly.”

“Like that makes it any better!”

|How many did you get, Bing?|

A pause. “32.”

A very long, exasperated sigh came from everyone in the room. Another roomba- Connor- came in from the foyer to see what was going on. 

Non-sentient my ass.

“Why in the holy hell did you get 32 roombas?”

Zenyatta beeped at Connor. Connor beeped back. 

They both scuttled out of the room.

“I think they’re gathering.”

Bing looked after them in curiosity. “Awesome.” He made to go follow them.

Iplier grabbed the back of his jacket to stop him.

“No robot revolutions.”

Bing nodded with a grin and a salute over his glasses. “No roombalutions.”

They highly doubted that would last.

\-----------

There was a whir through the Jims Wing. 

Wall-E and Eve bumped into each other on their way towards the couch. 

A series of beeps. A conversation, if you will. 

Then one moved towards the armchair-

And a pair of Googly eyes was slapped onto the top. 

It paused for a brief moment before continuing onwards. SJ cheered.

“ _ Yes…. _ ”

\-------------

Dark heard an incessant tapping at his door as he wrote a sharply worded email to Phantom. He was not allowed to open a casino- oh for heaven’s sake.

He blinked and it opened. 

A roomba trundled in with a deeply-toned trill, if it could be called that. 

Terminator started cleaning under his desk. 

He blinked at it. 

Was there a Roomba for every few rooms or something?

\----------

Robbie looked at the roomba. 

The roomba looked back at him. 

Then he noticed the nametag on the top. 

‘Robbie’, in an almost robotic calligraphy.

Well wasn’t that an amazing coincidence. Asimov, right? He’d read that somewhere...

Robbie cautiously reached out-

And pet the roomba. 

The roomba made a happy noise. 

Oh my god. Had he just… packbonded with a roomba?

Yep. 

This was a thing now.

Robbie cuddled the roomba closer and grabbed a blanket, putting on the movie. 

Roombas would like Wall-E, right?

\---------

King went into this room-

And found a group of his squirrels clustered around a Roomba. 

The robot didn’t move. Was it off? It could vacuum their tails or-

Then it slowly started spinning, a squirrel riding on the top. 

The squirrels seemed happy…

He moved over to his bed and watched. 

Eventually they cleared away and the roomba moved towards him with a happy beep. 

DUM-E rammed into his feet. 

He winced. Ow. He was just wearing socks. 

DUM-E whirred then moved back towards the door, where a squirrel hopped on just before the door closed. It must be heading back to the lab...

Welp. He’d have to go get her. 

But that was certainly one way of getting around. 

\---------

Jackie looked down at the roomba he’d saved. 

It beeped at him. 

He instinctively beeped back. 

There was a pause. It beeped again, a different series of beeps. 

Jackie’s eyes lit up as he recognized the code, a grin spreading across his face. He was a bit rusty at morse code, but he could hold a conversation easily enough. 

He looked at the nametag. Karen. Well. 

That was an excellent name. 

He struck up a conversation with the roomba as he walked back to his room. 

Who would have thought that roombas were such gossipers? 

He was living for it. 

\---------

Chase wandered into the living room that morning to a large group of roombas watching Wall-E. 

“Wha-?”

They all turned around with a series of beeps as they saw him. 

That was kind of adorable. 

“Why on earth are the roombas watching Wall-E?” He questioned empty air.

There was a groan from the pile of roombas and Robbie emerged covered in a blanket. 

“Whazzup?”

“Why were all the roombas watching Wall-E?”

Robbie seemed to wake up a bit. “I wanted to watch Wall-E? They kinda… gathered.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence. 

“Any ideas on breakfast?”

“Coffee…?”

Before Chase could move a robot came hovering from the kitchen with a cup of coffee fixed to the top. 

Chase cringed away from the knife taped onto the roomba in reflex as it hovered towards Robbie, who took the cup off the surface just in time for Stabby to go back to hovering. 

“Is that-”

“STABBY NO!”

The roomba was promptly tackled by Bing. 

The roombas crowded around Bing with frantic beeps. Stabby beeped a few times in return, the sound mildly distorted as if it was dazed. 

Robbie took a sip of coffee and blinked a few times, seeming to wake up a bit. 

“Why’d you tackle Stabby?”

Bing checked the roomba to make sure it wasn’t damaged. 

“He’s been having some malfunctions with his gyroscope. I told you not to carry things around until we got that fixed! You were supposed to stay in the lab.”

The roomba in question whirred. Bing rolled his eyes behind his glasses. 

“Don’t whir at me like that. Do you want to crash?”

Stabby beeped. Bing sighed loudly. 

“Don’t be dramatic bro. You guys have fun with breakfast.” 

He tucked Stabby under his arm and they were off down the hall, Stabby beeping and Bing replying back dramatically until they were out of earshot. 

One roomba rammed the remote and the movie started playing all over again. Wall-E whirred happily at the sight of his namesake. 

They should watch Iron Man next. 

\-----------

Blue was staring at the roomba assigned to him with mild confusion. 

“Why do I have a Roomba? I’m an android, I don’t need one.”

Just A Rather Very Intelligent System looked back at him and gave a soft whir. 

Blue blinked. “Do you mean to communicate? Your hardware is advanced enough for eventual sentience, but your audio transmitters are lacking if you wish to speak.”

If a roomba could look annoyed, it was this one. 

Apparently none of the androids realised they tended to speak in morse code yet. 

Blue examined the machine. “You do not even have any apparatuses designed to function like hands. This is very confusing. Are you supposed to function like an assistant?”

JARVIS was quiet. 

Blue sighed and went back to charging. 

JARVIS moved towards a box of spare parts and knocked it over. 

Blue didn’t stir, having gone completely offline for faster charging. 

JARVIS pinged Stabby, who was sitting on Bing’s workstation, DUM-E, who was rolling by the scrap metal, Butterfingers, who was sitting in Oliver’s station, and U, who was cleaning a bit of fluff off the carpet leading in. 

They beeped in agreement, and Stabby hovered them over. 

They got to work. 

\----------

Green and Red stood in the doorway watching the five roombas build in shock. How did they- 

JARVIS activated the prototype. The hatch cut out of his shell opened on tiny hinges and the arm emerged, the three-pronged claw at the end snapping open and shut. 

The roombas beeped in victory and Blue ‘woke’ at the audio spike. 

JARVIS waved at him with the arm. 

Blue stared at the roomba. 1) HOW???? 2) Had it built it… so it could help him?

The roomba had made an arm. So he could help him. 

The other roombas activated their arms with excited beeps. Stabby lowered the others to the ground and they spun like tops in their glee. 

Non-sentient my ass. 

Blue looked at them and back at the diagrams for Stabby’s modifications, which were still up on the server. 

Well. While he was at it, he could take a look at the construction of the arms, couldn’t he?

\----------

Lunch arrived and Anti looked at the ten-or-so roombas gathered in the living room. 

“N̵e̸r̷d̶s̷.̸”

SJ rolled in on a roomba covered in googly eyes. “What’s for lunch?”

“S̵a̸n̷d̴w̸i̷c̶h̴e̸s̸.̵”

“Niceeee…”

He conjured a coke zero and Wall-E went to go join its brethren by the foyer. Eve rolled after it, covered in pompoms. 

Huh. Alright then. 

Bing came in, followed by a roomba covered in glitter. Well. That was a lot of glitter. Even the nametag had been bedazzled with sequins. 

Wilford fell through the ceiling with a roomba on his head. They wore matching bowties. The roomba made a beeping sound and munched on his hair. 

“Y̶o̷u̴ ̶h̶a̴v̵e̴ ̵a̴ ̴r̵o̶o̸m̴b̶a̵ ̵e̴a̵t̴i̸n̶g̵ ̵y̷o̸u̶r̸ ̴h̷a̶i̶r̶.̵”

Wilford stared at him blankly before cracking up into chuckles, robot still eating his hair. 

Jackie walked in having a conversation with the roomba slung over his back in a backpack of sorts, almost in some kind of… carrier? Whatever it was it was kinda cool. Like those hoodies that you could put a cat in. But for a roomba. 

The roomba beeped a few times and Jackie burst out laughing before beeping back. The roomba eating Wil’s hair joined in on the conversation, the addition only making Jackie laugh harder. 

“O̴h̵ ̴g̴o̴d̸ ̴y̶o̴u̵ ̶c̸a̵n̶ ̶t̶a̸l̸k̶ ̴t̶o̴ ̴t̵h̵e̶ ̸r̷o̸o̶m̵b̵a̴s̴.̴ ̵E̶v̵e̵r̴y̷b̶o̸d̵y̶ ̸r̴u̷n̵.̴”

JJ walked into the room, hesitating in the doorway. 

_ *What’s all this?* _

Anti blinked. “H̷a̴v̴e̵ ̷y̶o̷u̷ ̷m̷e̸t̶ ̷t̴h̵e̶ ̸r̷o̵o̷m̷b̷a̸s̵?̶”

_ *The what?* _

“T̴h̴e̴ ̴r̶o̸o̷m̴b̸a̵s̸.̴”

_ *What are… room-bas?* _

“T̶h̷e̷y̷’̶r̴e̵ ̴t̷i̷n̴y̵ ̸v̵a̶c̶u̶u̴m̷ ̸c̷l̸e̶a̵n̷e̴r̷s̴ ̸w̷i̶t̴h̶ ̴d̷e̷b̸a̴t̷a̶b̷l̷e̴ ̷s̸e̶n̵t̴i̴e̵n̶c̶e̵.”

“Excuse you, they are perfectly sentient!”

There was a chorus of beeps from the roombas in the room. 

“Exactly!”

A roomba followed JJ into the room with a series of beeps, derailing the conversation.

Jackie frowned. 

“She says that she is a herald for- oh my god. You can’t be serious.”

More beeping. 

“I’m not doubting you, I’m just honestly… impressed. They did that?”

More beeping. Jackie gave a snort. 

“She says that she heralds the arrival of JARVIS, U, Dummy, Butterfingers, Stabby, and the Googles in the act that shall henceforth be known as the Helicarrier.”

Another beep. 

“She also asks that someone can change her nametag so it says FRIDAY and not Another Marvel Reference because it is getting on her nerves.”

There was a bang from down the hall. 

Host peered in from the living room. 

“The Host wishes to inform you that Bing just kicked in the door with his entourage and that it is miraculously not broken.”

Well thank heaven for small miracles. 

An ominous buzzing came from the direction of the kitchen. 

That would be the entourage. 

Bing and the rest of the Googles walked in flanked by a series of flying roombas, all wearing sunglasses. 

One broke away from formation to sit on Anti’s head. 

Of course he’d be friends with the literal robot made to stab people. 

Robbie looked over from the couch, where he was still wrapped up in a faded purple blanket with Robbie the Roomba sitting next to him. 

“You said something about sandwiches?”

**Author's Note:**

> That was a lot of fun! I need to write more fluff, poor things.  
> Chase angst is next, and I will warn you all that it's reeeeaaaalllly angsty. Like: I'm being really serious about it. I will definitely warn ahead, but if you have any problems with heavy relapses, or attempted suicide, or any of that- I highly recommend skipping it. I'll be posting two works, so there's a little something after and not just a n g s t, along with the fact I'll be gone on a trip for ten days, but just a warning.   
> Thank you for reading and have a great day!


End file.
